You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
