i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
