I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
