he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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