dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
