I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Are we still banned from the library?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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