So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
