I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
