i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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