I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
