Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
