He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize