we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
