Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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