I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
