i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You are the jesus of drinking
Randomize
