Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
