how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
