i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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