K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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