you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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