Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
