Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
