i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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