How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
