Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
