"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize