Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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