Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
