I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
