Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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