Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
