Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
