I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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