i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
