I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
