sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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