Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
