Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
