Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize