Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
