woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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