you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
