u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
