Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
