I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
