i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
