fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
do nipples grow back?
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