so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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