Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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