What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
