My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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