She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
