i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
