C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
