Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
