what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
