he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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