He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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