First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
