i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
