please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
