Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize