No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
