my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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