i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
