I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
