"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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