I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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