Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
