I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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