Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
