She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize