I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize