Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
