He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I think I just sharted jello shots
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
