They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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