Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
