We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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