Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
