his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
