That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize