Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
