hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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