the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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