Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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