i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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