you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
