the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
