ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
In other news, I just burned my penis
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
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