I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
