I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
