Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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