Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Randomize
