how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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