gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
