I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
