I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
the condom got lost in my hair
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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